Beyond stoicism: A permission to feel

As we approach International Men’s Day, this month feels like a perfect time to dedicate some focused thought to the men in our society.

Now, I know I often write about women’s empowerment, but that passion comes from one core belief: I dream of a world where everyone is respected, regardless of their gender roles, economic standing, or background. I know it sounds idealistic, but I genuinely believe we can get there. So, with that mission in mind, I felt compelled to pen something this week that truly resonates with the male experience—especially those parts we don’t talk about enough.

As a woman, I’ve had a front-row seat to the silent suffering of men. Not because they’ve shared it openly, but because I’ve learned to recognize the signs of pain disguised as stoicism.

You see it everywhere: the uncle who drinks a little too much but insists he’s “fine.” The colleague whose marriage is falling apart but who deflects every concerned question with a forced joke. The friend whose eyes reveal deep exhaustion but whose words insist he’s “handling it.”

These men aren’t choosing silence because they are naturally strong—they are choosing it because society has made vulnerability synonymous with failure.

Here is what years of watching this pattern has taught me: we have the emotional equation completely backwards. Vulnerability isn’t the opposite of strength; it’s what makes strength sustainable.

When men suppress their emotions, those feelings don’t just disappear—they compound, building pressure until something breaks: a relationship, a career, or tragically, a life.

But when men are finally given permission to be honest about their struggles, something truly beautiful happens. The burden becomes lighter because it’s shared. The shame dissolves because it’s spoken. The isolation ends because genuine connection becomes possible. I’ve seen men transform when they finally allow themselves to be vulnerable—they don’t become weaker versions of themselves, but more whole, more authentic, and far more resilient.

What breaks my heart is knowing how many men never get to experience this freedom. They carry their pain until it becomes unbearable, convinced that admitting struggle would make them less of a man—when, in reality, it would make them more human.

We have failed men by teaching them that emotional expression is feminine and therefore inferior. We have harmed them by creating a culture where seeking help is shameful. And we continue to lose them—to suicide, to addiction, to the slow, quiet death of living a life that denies half of what it means to be human.

International Men’s Day should be the day we collectively say: Enough.

Enough with the toxic expectations. Enough with the dangerous silencing. Enough with mistaking emotional suppression for strength.

It’s time to let men be vulnerable. It’s time to let them be fully, beautifully human.

So, what are the things I expect as a woman to be normalized from this International Men’s Day and thereafter. Read on as I list them out .

Men have emotions too- Since a long time , society decided that men are emotional vending machines. But men too cry. Whether its out of grief, frustration, joy or exhaustion they too feel it all. So, instead of telling them to man up, lets normalize that a man’s crying doesn’t make him less of a man. It makes him honest.
Men need support systems The stereotype of the “lone wolf” man who needs no one is not aspirational. It is rather dangerous. Men need friendships where they can be vulnerable. They need spaces where they can say, “I’m not okay,” without being met with awkward silence or jokes that deflect the conversation. So, maybe it is high time that we normalize men having deep, meaningful friendships. Men going to therapy and men asking for help when they’re drowning.

3.Men can be victims too- Trauma has no gender requirements .They too experience domestic violence, sexual assault, and abuse. But they’re less likely to report it because of shame, stigma, and the fear of not being believed or being laughed at. “How can a man be abused by a woman?” people ask. However, by believing male victims and creating support systems that don’t dismiss male survivors, we can understand that vulnerability to harm is not about physical strength—it’s about power dynamics, manipulation, and trauma.

4. Men can choose non-traditional paths and that’s okay-Not every man wants to be a CEO, a bodybuilder, or a breadwinner. Some men want to be teachers, nurses, stay-at-home dads, artists, or caregivers. These choices don’t make them less masculine—they make them diverse, interesting human beings pursuing their passions. Therefore, if you see a man in caregiving roles or pursuing creative or “soft” careers, dont be surprised as they are defining success on their own terms.

5. Men too experience body images and that’s okay-We talk a lot about unrealistic beauty standards for women, and rightly so. But men also face impossible physical ideals—six-pack abs, broad shoulders, perfect height, thick hair. Men develop eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and steroid abuse trying to measure up to images that are often photoshopped or genetically rare. Maybe we can normalize men talking about their insecurities about their bodies without being ridiculed. Let’s stop mocking men for being “short,” “skinny,” “bald,” or not fitting the narrow definition of “masculine.”

6. Men face pressure too and that’s okay to acknowledge- The expectation to be the provider, the protector, the problem-solver—it’s exhausting. Men are told they must be financially successful, physically strong, emotionally stable, and always in control. Fail at any of these, and your “man card” is apparently revoked. However, it is high time that we normalize men talking about the pressure to succeed, to provide, to never show fear or doubt. Let’s acknowledge that these expectations can be crushing.

7. Men struggle with mental health and that is okay-Depression doesn’t discriminate by gender, yet men are three to four times more likely to die by suicide than women in most countries. Why? Because men are less likely to seek help, less likely to talk about their struggles, and more likely to suffer in silence until it’s too late. From this year, lets normalize men admitting they’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or mental health challenges. Let’s make it as acceptable as saying you have the flu—because mental health is health.

Roshani, [17-11-2025 16:16]
Men experience domestic violence, sexual assault, and abuse. But they’re less likely to report it because of shame, stigma, and the fear of not being believed or being laughed at. “How can a man be abused by a woman?” people ask, as if trauma has gender requirements.

Let’s normalize: Believing male victims. Creating support systems that don’t dismiss male survivors. Understanding that vulnerability to harm is not about physical strength—it’s about power dynamics, manipulation, and trauma.

The Issues We Don’t Talk About Enough

International Men’s Day is a chance to shine a light on challenges that often get swept under the rug:

Suicide Rates: Men die by suicide at alarming rates globally. In many countries, three out of every four suicide deaths are men. This isn’t a statistic—it’s a crisis that demands our attention and action.

Fatherhood Rights: Divorced or separated fathers often face uphill battles for custody and equal parenting time. The assumption that mothers are naturally better parents is outdated and harmful to both men and children.

Workplace Deaths: Men make up the vast majority of workplace fatalities, often in dangerous jobs that society depends on but rarely celebrates—construction workers, miners, fishermen, sanitation workers.

Homelessness: Men constitute a disproportionate percentage of the homeless population, yet services specifically for homeless men are limited.

Educational Gaps: In many countries, boys are falling behind in education, with lower enrollment and graduation rates. Yet discussions about this gap are often dismissed or ignored.

Lack of Emotional Education: Boys are rarely taught emotional literacy. They grow into men who don’t have the vocabulary or tools to understand and express their feelings, leading to relationships that suffer and mental health that deteriorates.

This Isn’t About Men vs. Women

Here’s what International Men’s Day is NOT:

A competition with International Women’s Day
An excuse to dismiss women’s issues
A claim that men are the “real victims”
An attack on feminism or gender equality

Here’s what it IS:

Recognition that rigid gender roles hurt everyone
A call to address specific challenges men face
An invitation to create space for male vulnerability
A reminder that equality means caring about all people’s wellbeing

Fighting for men’s mental health doesn’t take away from women’s rights. Supporting male victims doesn’t diminish female survivors. Caring about boys’ education doesn’t mean we stop caring about girls’. Human rights aren’t a zero-sum game.

What Can We Actually Do?

If You’re a Man:

Talk. Share your struggles with trusted friends or family. If you don’t have those relationships, build them or seek professional help.
Challenge the stereotypes. When someone tells you to “man up,” recognize it for what it is—toxic nonsense. You don’t have to perform masculinity for anyone.
Support other men. Check in on your friends. Create spaces where honesty is valued over bravado.
Seek help when you need it. Therapy isn’t weakness. Medication isn’t failure. Taking care of your mental health is as important as any other health concern.
Model healthy masculinity. Especially if you’re a father, show the boys in your life that men can be kind, emotional, vulnerable, and still strong.

If You Care About the Men in Your Life:

Listen without judgment. When a man opens up, don’t minimize his feelings or offer quick-fix solutions. Just listen.

Stop perpetuating harmful stereotypes. Don’t mock men for showing emotion. Don’t shame them for struggling. Don’t question their masculinity when they make non-traditional choices.
Educate yourself. Learn about the issues men face. Understand that supporting men doesn’t mean opposing women.
Advocate for change. Support better mental health resources. Push for parental leave policies that include fathers. Challenge workplaces that glorify overwork and burnout.
Check in. Don’t wait for men to reach out. They’ve been taught not to. Instead, ask directly: “How are you really doing?” And mean it.

The Path Forward

International Men’s Day shouldn’t be controversial. It should be a day when we collectively acknowledge that the rigid boxes we’ve forced men into are suffocating, that the expectations we’ve placed on them are unrealistic, and that the silence we’ve demanded from them is deadly.

We need to build a world where:

Boys can cry without being shamed
Men can ask for help without being ridiculed
Fathers are seen as equal parents, not babysitters
Male victims are believed and supported
Emotional vulnerability is seen as strength
Success is defined by wellbeing, not just wealth
Men are free to be fully, messily, beautifully human

Final Thoughts

To every man reading this: You are allowed to not be okay. You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to need support. You are allowed to cry, to be scared, to be uncertain, to be vulnerable. These things don’t make you less of a man—they make you human.

And to everyone reading this: Let’s make International Men’s Day matter. Not by competing or deflecting, but by genuinely caring about the wellbeing of all people. Let’s create a world where “be a man” doesn’t mean “suppress yourself,” but rather “be authentic, be kind, be human.”

Because at the end of the day, that’s what this is about: giving men permission to be people. Full, complex, emotional people.

And that’s not just okay—it’s essential.

Happy International Men’s Day. May we use it to build a better, kinder world for everyone.

Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

What issues do you think need more attention when it comes to men’s wellbeing? How can we better support the men in our lives? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Share this post if you believe men deserve the space to be fully human.

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You matter. Your struggles matter. You are not alone.

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