The Expression Hub

  • Beyond stoicism: A permission to feel

    Published by

    Roshani Patil

    on

    As we approach International Men’s Day, this month feels like a perfect time to dedicate some focused thought to the men in our society.

    Now, I know I often write about women’s empowerment, but that passion comes from one core belief: I dream of a world where everyone is respected, regardless of their gender roles, economic standing, or background. I know it sounds idealistic, but I genuinely believe we can get there. So, with that mission in mind, I felt compelled to pen something this week that truly resonates with the male experience—especially those parts we don’t talk about enough.

    As a woman, I’ve had a front-row seat to the silent suffering of men. Not because they’ve shared it openly, but because I’ve learned to recognize the signs of pain disguised as stoicism.

    You see it everywhere: the uncle who drinks a little too much but insists he’s “fine.” The colleague whose marriage is falling apart but who deflects every concerned question with a forced joke. The friend whose eyes reveal deep exhaustion but whose words insist he’s “handling it.”

    These men aren’t choosing silence because they are naturally strong—they are choosing it because society has made vulnerability synonymous with failure.

    Here is what years of watching this pattern has taught me: we have the emotional equation completely backwards. Vulnerability isn’t the opposite of strength; it’s what makes strength sustainable.

    When men suppress their emotions, those feelings don’t just disappear—they compound, building pressure until something breaks: a relationship, a career, or tragically, a life.

    But when men are finally given permission to be honest about their struggles, something truly beautiful happens. The burden becomes lighter because it’s shared. The shame dissolves because it’s spoken. The isolation ends because genuine connection becomes possible. I’ve seen men transform when they finally allow themselves to be vulnerable—they don’t become weaker versions of themselves, but more whole, more authentic, and far more resilient.

    What breaks my heart is knowing how many men never get to experience this freedom. They carry their pain until it becomes unbearable, convinced that admitting struggle would make them less of a man—when, in reality, it would make them more human.

    We have failed men by teaching them that emotional expression is feminine and therefore inferior. We have harmed them by creating a culture where seeking help is shameful. And we continue to lose them—to suicide, to addiction, to the slow, quiet death of living a life that denies half of what it means to be human.

    International Men’s Day should be the day we collectively say: Enough.

    Enough with the toxic expectations. Enough with the dangerous silencing. Enough with mistaking emotional suppression for strength.

    It’s time to let men be vulnerable. It’s time to let them be fully, beautifully human.

    So, what are the things I expect as a woman to be normalized from this International Men’s Day and thereafter. Read on as I list them out .

    1. Men have emotions too- Since a long time , society decided that men are emotional vending machines. But men too cry. Whether its out of grief, frustration, joy or exhaustion they too feel it all. So, instead of telling them to man up, lets normalize that a man’s crying doesn’t make him less of a man. It makes him honest.
    2. Men need support systems The stereotype of the “lone wolf” man who needs no one is not aspirational. It is rather dangerous. Men need friendships where they can be vulnerable. They need spaces where they can say, “I’m not okay,” without being met with awkward silence or jokes that deflect the conversation. So, maybe it is high time that we normalize men having deep, meaningful friendships. Men going to therapy and men asking for help when they’re drowning.

    3.Men can be victims too- Trauma has no gender requirements .They too experience domestic violence, sexual assault, and abuse. But they’re less likely to report it because of shame, stigma, and the fear of not being believed or being laughed at. “How can a man be abused by a woman?” people ask. However, by believing male victims and creating support systems that don’t dismiss male survivors, we can understand that vulnerability to harm is not about physical strength—it’s about power dynamics, manipulation, and trauma.

    4. Men can choose non-traditional paths and that’s okay-Not every man wants to be a CEO, a bodybuilder, or a breadwinner. Some men want to be teachers, nurses, stay-at-home dads, artists, or caregivers. These choices don’t make them less masculine—they make them diverse, interesting human beings pursuing their passions. Therefore, if you see a man in caregiving roles or pursuing creative or “soft” careers, dont be surprised as they are defining success on their own terms.

    5. Men too experience body images and that’s okay-We talk a lot about unrealistic beauty standards for women, and rightly so. But men also face impossible physical ideals—six-pack abs, broad shoulders, perfect height, thick hair. Men develop eating disorders, body dysmorphia, and steroid abuse trying to measure up to images that are often photoshopped or genetically rare. Maybe we can normalize men talking about their insecurities about their bodies without being ridiculed. Let’s stop mocking men for being “short,” “skinny,” “bald,” or not fitting the narrow definition of “masculine.”

    6. Men face pressure too and that’s okay to acknowledge- The expectation to be the provider, the protector, the problem-solver—it’s exhausting. Men are told they must be financially successful, physically strong, emotionally stable, and always in control. Fail at any of these, and your “man card” is apparently revoked. However, it is high time that we normalize men talking about the pressure to succeed, to provide, to never show fear or doubt. Let’s acknowledge that these expectations can be crushing.

    7. Men struggle with mental health and that is okay-Depression doesn’t discriminate by gender, yet men are three to four times more likely to die by suicide than women in most countries. Why? Because men are less likely to seek help, less likely to talk about their struggles, and more likely to suffer in silence until it’s too late. From this year, lets normalize men admitting they’re struggling with anxiety, depression, or mental health challenges. Let’s make it as acceptable as saying you have the flu—because mental health is health.

    Roshani, [17-11-2025 16:16]
    Men experience domestic violence, sexual assault, and abuse. But they’re less likely to report it because of shame, stigma, and the fear of not being believed or being laughed at. “How can a man be abused by a woman?” people ask, as if trauma has gender requirements.

    Let’s normalize: Believing male victims. Creating support systems that don’t dismiss male survivors. Understanding that vulnerability to harm is not about physical strength—it’s about power dynamics, manipulation, and trauma.

    The Issues We Don’t Talk About Enough

    International Men’s Day is a chance to shine a light on challenges that often get swept under the rug:

    Suicide Rates: Men die by suicide at alarming rates globally. In many countries, three out of every four suicide deaths are men. This isn’t a statistic—it’s a crisis that demands our attention and action.

    Fatherhood Rights: Divorced or separated fathers often face uphill battles for custody and equal parenting time. The assumption that mothers are naturally better parents is outdated and harmful to both men and children.

    Workplace Deaths: Men make up the vast majority of workplace fatalities, often in dangerous jobs that society depends on but rarely celebrates—construction workers, miners, fishermen, sanitation workers.

    Homelessness: Men constitute a disproportionate percentage of the homeless population, yet services specifically for homeless men are limited.

    Educational Gaps: In many countries, boys are falling behind in education, with lower enrollment and graduation rates. Yet discussions about this gap are often dismissed or ignored.

    Lack of Emotional Education: Boys are rarely taught emotional literacy. They grow into men who don’t have the vocabulary or tools to understand and express their feelings, leading to relationships that suffer and mental health that deteriorates.

    This Isn’t About Men vs. Women

    Here’s what International Men’s Day is NOT:

    • A competition with International Women’s Day
    • An excuse to dismiss women’s issues
    • A claim that men are the “real victims”
    • An attack on feminism or gender equality

    Here’s what it IS:

    • Recognition that rigid gender roles hurt everyone
    • A call to address specific challenges men face
    • An invitation to create space for male vulnerability
    • A reminder that equality means caring about all people’s wellbeing

    Fighting for men’s mental health doesn’t take away from women’s rights. Supporting male victims doesn’t diminish female survivors. Caring about boys’ education doesn’t mean we stop caring about girls’. Human rights aren’t a zero-sum game.

    What Can We Actually Do?

    If You’re a Man:

    1. Talk. Share your struggles with trusted friends or family. If you don’t have those relationships, build them or seek professional help.
    2. Challenge the stereotypes. When someone tells you to “man up,” recognize it for what it is—toxic nonsense. You don’t have to perform masculinity for anyone.
    3. Support other men. Check in on your friends. Create spaces where honesty is valued over bravado.
    4. Seek help when you need it. Therapy isn’t weakness. Medication isn’t failure. Taking care of your mental health is as important as any other health concern.
    5. Model healthy masculinity. Especially if you’re a father, show the boys in your life that men can be kind, emotional, vulnerable, and still strong.

    If You Care About the Men in Your Life:

    1. Listen without judgment. When a man opens up, don’t minimize his feelings or offer quick-fix solutions. Just listen.
    1. Stop perpetuating harmful stereotypes. Don’t mock men for showing emotion. Don’t shame them for struggling. Don’t question their masculinity when they make non-traditional choices.
    2. Educate yourself. Learn about the issues men face. Understand that supporting men doesn’t mean opposing women.
    3. Advocate for change. Support better mental health resources. Push for parental leave policies that include fathers. Challenge workplaces that glorify overwork and burnout.
    4. Check in. Don’t wait for men to reach out. They’ve been taught not to. Instead, ask directly: “How are you really doing?” And mean it.

    The Path Forward

    International Men’s Day shouldn’t be controversial. It should be a day when we collectively acknowledge that the rigid boxes we’ve forced men into are suffocating, that the expectations we’ve placed on them are unrealistic, and that the silence we’ve demanded from them is deadly.

    We need to build a world where:

    • Boys can cry without being shamed
    • Men can ask for help without being ridiculed
    • Fathers are seen as equal parents, not babysitters
    • Male victims are believed and supported
    • Emotional vulnerability is seen as strength
    • Success is defined by wellbeing, not just wealth
    • Men are free to be fully, messily, beautifully human

    Final Thoughts

    To every man reading this: You are allowed to not be okay. You are allowed to struggle. You are allowed to need support. You are allowed to cry, to be scared, to be uncertain, to be vulnerable. These things don’t make you less of a man—they make you human.

    And to everyone reading this: Let’s make International Men’s Day matter. Not by competing or deflecting, but by genuinely caring about the wellbeing of all people. Let’s create a world where “be a man” doesn’t mean “suppress yourself,” but rather “be authentic, be kind, be human.”

    Because at the end of the day, that’s what this is about: giving men permission to be people. Full, complex, emotional people.

    And that’s not just okay—it’s essential.

    Happy International Men’s Day. May we use it to build a better, kinder world for everyone.

    Let’s Keep the Conversation Going

    What issues do you think need more attention when it comes to men’s wellbeing? How can we better support the men in our lives? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

    Share this post if you believe men deserve the space to be fully human.

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    You matter. Your struggles matter. You are not alone.

    Continue reading →: Beyond stoicism: A permission to feel

  • When ethics meets ambition

    Published by

    Roshani Patil

    on

    Starring:Vicky Kaushal, Sanya Malhotra, Fatima Sana Sheikh, Govind Namdev, Neeraj Kabi, Mohammed Zeeshan Ayub, Ravindra Vijay

    Directed by: Meghna Gulzar

    Genre:Biographical/ War drama

    “The aim of ethical life is to create a better world for us.”

    -Aristotle

    Imagine this: It’s wartime, and the entire nation is holding its breath. The Prime Minister herself is asking if the army is ready to strike. And in that charged moment, one man dares to say no. Not out of fear, not out of hesitation, but out of an unwavering commitment to the lives of his soldiers. What kind of person risks everything—career, reputation, the very real possibility of being branded a coward—to insist on proper preparation before sending young men into battle?

    In a world where ambition routinely tramples ethics, where integrity often becomes the first casualty of the climb to success, such men seem like relics of a forgotten era.But who exactly was this man who could make a Prime Minister wait, who earned the fierce loyalty of his troops, and whose name still commands respect decades after his service? Why do veterans speak of him with tears in their eyes? What made him different from countless other ambitious officers who passed through the ranks? Read on to find out more.

    Storyline: Sam Bahadur chronicles the remarkable life of Sam Hormusji Framji Jamshedji Manekshaw, affectionately known as “Sam Bahadur” (meaning “Sam the Brave”). The film spans over four decades of Indian history, from the British Raj through Independence, and culminates in India’s historic victory in the 1971 Indo-Pak war that led to the creation of Bangladesh.

    The narrative structure takes us through pivotal moments: Manekshaw’s near-fatal injury during World War II, his strategic brilliance during various military operations, his complicated relationship with political leadership, and ultimately, his masterstroke in the 1971 war.

    Scrutiny: The film’s greatest strength lies in its refusal to create a one-dimensional hero. Vicky Kaushal portrays Manekshaw’s multifaceted personality—his famous sense of humor, his ability to speak truth to power, and his deep commitment to his soldiers. The scenes depicting his interactions with then-Prime Minister Indira Gandhi are particularly compelling, showcasing the delicate balance between military authority and political command with great finesse.

    Even though Vicky Kaushal does a great job portraying the role of the protagonist but it is the character of Swami that captured the show for me. Swami’s quiet devotion is balanced perfectly with his sharp wit and cheeky remarks, creating moments of genuine humor and warmth throughout the film. The fact that Manekshaw not only tolerated but appreciated Swami’s sarcastic nature speaks volumes about his character—here was a man secure enough in himself to allow those close to him the freedom to speak candidly, even cheekily. These scenes remind us that behind every great leader are countless unsung heroes whose loyalty and dedication form the bedrock of success.

    The production design deserves special mention. From the recreation of 1940s Burma to the war rooms of 1971, every frame feels authentic. The costume department’s work in aging Kaushal’s character across decades demonstrates remarkable craftsmanship. The supporting cast, including Sanya Malhotra as Silloo Manekshaw and Fatima Sana Shaikh as Indira Gandhi, deliver nuanced performances that add depth to the narrative.

    However, “Sam Bahadur” is not without its flaws. At 150 minutes, the film occasionally feels rushed, trying to compress four decades into a single narrative. Some crucial periods, particularly Manekshaw’s role in the 1962 Indo-China war and the 1965 conflict with Pakistan, receive limited screen time. This rushed pacing sometimes reduces complex military operations to montages, denying audiences the strategic depth that made Manekshaw a military genius.

    The film also struggles with balancing its scope. While attempting to cover Manekshaw’s entire career, it sometimes sacrifices emotional depth for historical breadth. His relationship with his family, particularly his wife Silloo, deserved more exploration. The film hints at the sacrifices military families make but never fully delves into this aspect.

    From a technical standpoint, some of the battle sequences, while competently executed, lack the visceral impact of recent war films. The 1971 war, which should be the film’s emotional and dramatic climax, feels somewhat underwhelming in its execution. Given the significance of this victory in Indian military history, more immersive and detailed battle sequences would have elevated the film’s impact.

    Sentiment: Despite its shortcomings, “Sam Bahadur” succeeds in its primary mission—making a new generation aware of Field Marshal Manekshaw’s contributions to the nation. In today’s times, when military service is often taken for granted and leaders who speak truth to power are rare, Manekshaw’s story feels particularly relevant.

    The film evokes a deep sense of pride and gratitude. It reminds us that behind every military victory are leaders who bear tremendous responsibility, make difficult decisions, and often face institutional and political obstacles.

    What’s particularly moving is how the film portrays Manekshaw’s relationship with his soldiers. He wasn’t just a commander; he was a leader who understood that soldiers are not mere numbers in a strategy but individuals with families, hopes, and fears. His insistence on proper preparation before the 1971 war, despite political pressure, saved countless lives and ensured a decisive victory.

    The film also subtly addresses issues of identity and belonging. As a Parsi in the Indian Army, Manekshaw represented the diverse fabric of India’s military. His success story is a testament to merit-based progression and secular values in India’s armed forces—a message that resonates powerfully in contemporary times.

    If I were to encapsulate the essence of “Sam Bahadur” in a single statement, it would be this: “More than a war film, this is a masterclass in leadership, integrity, and the courage to stand by one’s convictions, even when facing the most powerful.”

    The film isn’t perfect, but it serves as a valuable cultural artefact. It introduces younger audiences to a hero they should know, celebrates military excellence, and showcases what principled leadership looks like. In an age of instant gratification and viral fame, Sam Manekshaw’s story reminds us that true greatness is built over decades of service, sacrifice, and unwavering commitment to one’s principles.

    Call to Action: Honour, Remember, Learn

    After watching “Sam Bahadur,” I urge you to take a moment to do the following:

    Research and Learn: This film is just the beginning. Dive deeper into Field Marshal Manekshaw’s life. Read his interviews, understand the military strategies he employed, and learn about the 1971 war from multiple perspectives. The film cannot capture everything; your curiosity should lead you further.

    Acknowledge Our Armed Forces: The next time you see someone in uniform, take a moment to acknowledge their service. Our military personnel make tremendous sacrifices—time away from family, constant readiness to face danger, and serving in some of the most challenging terrains on Earth. A simple “thank you for your service” costs us nothing but means everything.

    Teach the Next Generation: Share stories of military heroes like Sam Manekshaw with young people in your life. In an age dominated by entertainment and social media celebrities, our children need to know about real heroes—people who served something larger than themselves. These stories shape values and inspire character.

    Support Veteran Welfare: Look for opportunities to support organizations that work for the welfare of veterans and their families. From education for children of martyrs to healthcare for retired soldiers, there are numerous ways civilians can give back to those who served.

    Demand Better Leadership: Finally, let Manekshaw’s example inform what we expect from our leaders—in military, politics, and civil society. Leaders who speak truth, prioritize the welfare of those they lead, and possess both strategic vision and moral courage. Use your voice and your vote to support such leadership.

    Share This Story

    If this article resonated with you, please consider sharing it with your network. Use the buttons below to share on social media, or send it directly to friends and family who would appreciate learning about Field Marshal Sam Manekshaw.

    Let’s ensure that the story of Sam Bahadur reaches as many people as possible. Every share helps introduce someone new to this remarkable leader who shaped India’s military history. In remembering and honoring our heroes, we keep their legacy alive and inspire future generations to serve with the same dedication and integrity.

    What are your thoughts on “Sam Bahadur”? Did the film do justice to Field Marshal Manekshaw’s legacy? Share your views in the comments below. Let’s create a conversation about military leadership, historical films, and the heroes we need to remember.

    Que: What is the name of Sam Bahadur’s wife?

    a. Shahnaz Verma

    b. Dilnaz Topewala

    c. Siloo Bode

    d. Shanaya Shetty

    Continue reading →: When ethics meets ambition

  • What makes a great husband?

    Published by

    Roshani Patil

    on

    Author:Elliot Katz

    Genre:Non-fiction

    “A man is only strong as the woman who holds him”

    -Beverly Jenkins

    November is here. Time to celebrate the men in our lives.

    Think about your dad who’s always been there. Your brother who never let you down. Your son who makes you beam with pride. That nephew who cracks you up. And your partner—whether he’s your husband, boyfriend, or fiancé. These guys have shaped who you are. They’ve shown up when it mattered. And honestly? We don’t thank them enough.

    You’ve heard it before. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Sounds cheesy, sure. But there’s truth in it. Men and women think differently. They feel differently. And that’s perfectly fine. The trick is in understanding each other better.

    And I feel this comes perfectly at a time when cheating and infidelity is at an all high. Hopefully, this will serve as an antidote for the same. After all, cheating and infidelity is completely normal even though it is not.

    About the book:

    Elliott Katz’s book “Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants” sparked considerable conversation when it challenged conventional relationship advice. While the title might initially suggest old-fashioned gender dynamics, Katz’s actual message is far more nuanced and practical than many realize. His work addresses a genuine problem many men face: the confusion between being accommodating and being weak, between being considerate and losing yourself in a relationship.

    He opens with a premise that resonates with many men: being overly accommodating doesn’t create attraction or respect—it often undermines both. He shares his own story of bending over backwards in relationships, saying yes to everything, and ultimately finding that this approach led to resentment on both sides.

    The “nice guy” trap isn’t about being kind or considerate. It’s about abandoning your own needs, opinions, and boundaries in a misguided attempt to keep the peace or win affection. When you consistently prioritize your partner’s wants over your own legitimate needs, you’re not being noble—you’re being dishonest about who you are and what matters to you.

    Katz argues that women don’t actually want a man who agrees with everything they say or abandons his plans whenever she changes her mind. What they want is a partner who shows up as a complete person with his own thoughts, preferences, and backbone.

    Another thing he discusses is that the strong man in Katz’s framework doesn’t dictate to his partner; he takes responsibility for his own life and decisions, rather than deferring everything to her or blaming her when things go wrong. This approach acknowledges that healthy relationships have a certain polarity and tension. When one partner consistently defers to the other, that tension disappears—and often, so does the attraction.

    This and many such pieces of advice is what is given to us in a story format wherein a grandfather and his grandson undertake a trip to discuss how to become a better husband.

    Analysis: Katz’s fundamental insight is valuable: many men do sabotage their relationships by being overly accommodating, abandoning their boundaries, and losing themselves in the process. His call for men to maintain their identity, have standards, and show leadership addresses a real problem.

    However, his framework has limitations. The book can sometimes read as overly prescriptive about gender roles, and it doesn’t fully account for the diversity of relationship dynamics that work for different couples. Some partnerships thrive with varying balances of power than Katz describes, and that’s perfectly valid.

    Additionally, while Katz emphasizes that his approach isn’t about being domineering, the language of “strength” and “leadership” can easily be misconstrued or taken too far. The line between healthy assertiveness and toxic dominance requires wisdom and self-awareness to navigate.

    The strongest relationships are those where both partners bring their full selves to the table, communicate openly, and work together to create something that works for them specifically—not for some generic relationship template.

    The Verdict: This book is for people who feel like you’ve lost yourself in your relationship. You’re always saying yes. Always accommodating. Always putting yourself last. And somehow, it’s not making things better. Or struggle with setting boundaries. You worry that standing up for yourself will cause conflict. So you stay quiet. And the resentment builds. Or are willing to challenge conventional relationship advice. You’re open to perspectives that might feel uncomfortable at first. You can read critically and take what works for you.

    Skip it if you want egalitarian relationship adviceThe gendered language may frustrate you. Katz writes specifically about masculine strength and leadership. If that framing bothers you, there are better books out there.

    Tend to take advice too literally. Some readers misinterpret Katz’s message as permission to be controlling or dismissive. If you’re prone to extremes, this might not be helpful.

    Are looking for relationship repair techniques. This book is about preventing problems through better boundaries. It’s not about fixing communication issues, rebuilding trust, or working through specific conflicts.

    Prefer research-based approaches. Katz writes from personal experience and observation. He’s not citing studies. He’s sharing what worked for him and the men he’s talked to.

    This book fills a specific gap. It addresses men who’ve been too accommodating and lost themselves. For that audience, it’s genuinely helpful. Katz gives you permission to have standards. To maintain your identity. To stop being a doormat.

    But it’s not universal wisdom. It won’t resonate with everyone. And that’s okay.

    Read it with a critical mind. Take what applies to your situation. Leave what doesn’t. Use it as a starting point for self-reflection, not as a rigid rulebook.

    Best paired with: Books on communication skills, emotional intelligence, and mutual partnership. Katz covers one piece of the puzzle. Not the whole picture.

    Final verdict: Valuable for the right reader at the right time. Potentially problematic if misapplied or taken to extremes. Worth reading if you recognize yourself in the “nice guy” trap. Safe to skip if you’re already maintaining healthy boundaries and identity in your relationships.

    Rating: ***

    Ready to implement these principles in your own life?

    Three steps you can take today:

    1. Identity audit: Write down ten things that matter to you independent of your relationship. These could be hobbies, values, friendships, or goals. How many of these are you actively maintaining?
    2. Boundary check: Identify one area where you’ve been overly accommodating out of fear rather than genuine preference. Practice expressing your actual preference this week.
    3. Read the source: If this resonates with you, pick up Elliott Katz’s “Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants” and engage with the full argument rather than summaries or interpretations.

    Join the conversation: Share your experiences implementing these principles (what worked, what didn’t) in the comments below.

    Also share it with someone who feels that they need to manage their marital lives in a proper manner. Maybe this post might be a game changer you might be just wanting.

    Continue reading →: What makes a great husband?

Hello,

I’m Roshani

Welcome to The Expression Hub! I’m Roshani, who loves to express herself through the medium of writing. This blog is my little corner of the internet where I dive deep into the world of movies, books, and web series—reviewing, analyzing, and sometimes just ranting about the stories that make us laugh, cry, and question everything.

Beyond reviews, you’ll also find my personal musings—random thoughts, life reflections, and the occasional deep dive into the things that inspire me. Think of this as a space where art meets emotion, and where honest opinions matter more than star ratings.

Join me as we explore incredible stories together, one post at a time. Have a recommendation? Let’s talk—I’m always up for discovering something new!

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